Residency in the frames of Moving bodies butoh and performing arts festival,at Teatro Espace, Torino.
My residency is supported by Estonian Cultural Endowment.
The curators of the festival have written their introduction to this year’s theme and the concept of Difference in the texts of Gilles Deleuze.
Difference challenges the idea of self, proprioception and boundaries. Identity and “self” develop in function of the other, through acceptance – rejection – cooperation/conflict and existence. How do these find a vocabulary in dance performance and art? How do different forms of doing come together pollinating and rejecting each other?
We, Ambra G. Bergamasco and Edegar Starke understand Difference not from a negation, but from an affirmation. Learn rather than deny, create a community rather than building walls. Ultimately, we suggest difference as a singular that becomes plurality of such. Philosophically, Difference has been researched and questioned through approaches that look at paradigms of creation, genesis, real, experience, virtual, negation, affirmation. There is a contemporary urge to address Difference; from our individual everyday actions to wider understanding of what today’s reality is; in our own artistic practice and in the space of contamination and relation with others.
During my residency in Teatro Espace, Torino, I am going to focus on the question of self, regarding the development of an individual as a series of transformative stages, each of which is marked by a personal „death“. The concept of Differance is connected to personality and actualisation of events during one’s lifetime.
I see difference as an essential quality within an individual – one individual moves through different stages, ways of being, taking roles throughout his/her life.
I am truly myself, yet I am a chain of tranformation. I die and I reborn every day.
But what happens when one becomes stranger to oneself, mentally, emotionally, spiritually?
Depersonalization – a mental situation and disorder when one feels severely distanced of him/herself, of his/her subjectivity in general.
I becomes Stranger.
I am also intrigued by the question: what opposites can be find within an individual? How is one’s identity formed through differences and layers of self.
I am drawing from Juri Lotman’s concepts of Other and the opposition of known-strange to explore the estrangement that might lead to acknowledging yourself as a stranger.
I am Other.
How can we accept the different personas within ourselves?
Are we ready to look at all of our selves or personas? Are we wiiling to accept them as part of our identity?
Identities are in constant reformation.
I am centered and I am widening at the same time.
„Nothing more can be said, and no more has ever been said: to become worthy of what happens to us, and thus to will and release the event, to become the offspring of one’s own events, and thereby to be reborn, to have one more birth, and to break with one’s carnal birth – to become the offspring of one’s events and not of one’s actions, for the action is itself produced by the offspring of the event.” (Deleuze 170)
For Deleuze Difference exists in-itself, it is the essential quality, lying underneath the whole existence. Deleuze relates the concepts of difference and repetition to each other. If difference is the essence of that which exists, constituting beings as disparates, then neither of the first two models of time does justice to them, insisting as they do on the possibility and even necessity of synthesising differences into identities. It is only when beings are repeated as something other that their disparateness is revealed.
In my residency, I am researching this unity, which includes all the differences. Difference is always there, yet all these different modalities, little personas, are gathered inside a higher formation. That is the unity, the Eternal recurrence, Deleuze is talking about (referring to Nietszche and his Thus spoke Zarathustra): The highest form is not an idefinite form, rather it is the unformness of the neverending through changes and transformation — Because the neverending is a circle, but the Difference liesat its centre while the Sameness is only its border. The presence of the indefinite includes the of the presences in a way it ensures the focalisation of all perspectives on one and the same object or world or in way that it makes all the moments as the qualities of one and the same Me.(Deleuze, Repetition and Difference)
An individual is recurring, everevolving and renewing through his/her life, melting all the differences into one form of existence. An individual deals with all the emotions, perceptions, experiences and situations, continuously embodying all these as sensations, thoughts and emotions.
And finally – how to embody your stages, past, so that the difference that is formed could help you to grow – to a higher, more mindful self without destructing, dissolving your personality or Self?
You embody you past, present and future at all times.
‘My wound existed before me, I was born to embody it.’”(Deleuze The Logic of Thought)